The Most Horrible Competition Ever Entries
by misfit-right-in
Summary: My entries for The Most Horrible Competition Ever
1. Tattoos

**a/n: Just so you know, I have never gotten a tattoo in my life, nor been inside a tattoo parlor. Please forgive me.**

 **Title:** Tattoos **(** _Aren't I the most creative title creator, EVER?_ **)**

 **Rating:** K+

 **Word Count:** 948 Words

 **Summary:** Ron, Hermione, and Harry get tattoos. Hilarity ensues.

 **Written for:** The Most Horrible Competition Ever

 **Instructions:** Write a fic using three of the prompts. (No more, no less!)

 **Prompts:** Pineapple, someone gets a tattoo, genre: friendship

* * *

"Magical tattoos? You have got to be kidding me," the bushy-haired brunette huffed indignantly, her arms crossing over her chest as her lips pressed together tightly.

"Lighten up a bit, Hermione, it's like a coming-of-age ritual. Trust me, all _real_ wizards and witches get one."

"If you even dare to think, that for one moment you can possibly convince me to get one of those horrid things, then you are sorely mistaken Ronald Wealsey."

Ron sighed heavily, deciding it was best not to continue arguing; he never quite won, no matter the situation. Needless to say, somedays he couldn't help but wonder how he and Hermione hadn't managed to kill each other yet. As he looked out into the distance to see if he could spot Harry yet, he grinned to himself as he caught a glance of the Harry-shaped speck in the sky.

"Harry!" Ron called out, as the man on the broom approached, "Good to see you mate, auror training seems to be keeping us far too busy."

Harry beamed, pulling his two friends into a hug, "Well, the two of us have to make a living somehow, not all of us can be working our way through The Ministry's ranks like Hermione, over here," he chuckled.

The young woman rolled her eyes, "I'll have you know I've worked very hard to get where I am."

"Nobody doubts that, 'Mione," Ron grinned as he threw a less than subtle wink in her direction.

"So, what are these magical tattoos you were telling me about earlier and how on Earth did you convince Hermione to get one?" Harry asked, as the trio headed towards the tattoo parlor.

"You told Harry you convinced me to get a tattoo?!"

Ron smiled sheepishly, "I may have exaggerated a little…okay, maybe a lot, but in my defense, I didn't realize it would be so difficult to convince you have fun."

Hermione shook her head, rolling her eyes once again. She had a feeling she would be rolling her eyes quite often throughout the night.

Hearing a surprisingly pleasant bell jingle as they walked through the door, the friends were greeted by a rather intense looking woman playing with her wand, drawing mindless patterns in the air. The woman's eyes were piercing and her strong jaw and high cheekbones did nothing to soften her appearance. Both her arms were covered with vine tattoos which swirled around her arms, in constant motion.

"Welcome to Hex and Charm. My name is Jade. Are you three here for an appointment or are you walk-ins?" the woman asked, emotion evading her voice and Ron couldn't help but notice the way Hermione's spine stiffened as the woman spoke.

"Not scared of her, are you? Do you find that she lacks a certain properness, necessary to run the establishment?" Ron whispered to Hermione in a mocking voice, pretending to ignore the glare she returned in response.

Harry was the first to reply, failing to keep a straight face as he overheard Ron's carrying whisper, "We're walk-ins…do you have any designs we could look at?"

The woman nodded, flourishing her wand, as a pair of books came flying in, "Some of my previous work is in there. I also do custom designs, if you'd like."

Harry and Ron took a seat, flipping through the books as Hermione flickered between constant pacing and attempting not to stare at the woman who had greeted them. Suddenly, Ron popped up from his seat, cheering in triumph.

"I have found the perfect tattoo for all three of us!" Ron exclaimed as he held up the image of a dancing pineapple.

Harry simply burst out laughing, earning both Harry and Ron a raised eyebrow from Jade and Hermione, a nothing short of a sympathetic glance. The sympathetic look surprised Hermione; she had assumed the woman was incapable of emotion.

"I question the sanity of anyone willing to have a dancing pineapple tattooed on their body for the rest of eternity," Hermione remarked sharply, turning on her heel.

"Jokes aside," Harry began, as he calmed down from the previous bout of laughter, "what about this one?" He asked with all seriousness, pointing to the fluttering golden snitch with seemed to practically leap out of the book.

Hermione turned around, studying the image for a moment, "Well, if you insist on getting a tattoo, I think that's the perfect choice for you, Harry."

"I still vote for the dancing pineapple," Ron chimed in, before pointing to an image in his book, "But anyways, before you shut me down completely, Hermione, look at this one. You have to admit, it's perfect for you."

The image was a tiny otter, silhouette swimming around, leaving a shimming trail wherever it went. It bore a striking resemblance to Hermione's patronus and caused nothing short of a light smile to appear on Hermione's face, "It is rather sweet. That's very thoughtful of you, Ron. I suppose this whole magic tattoo thing isn't too terrible, after all. Maybe I could make an exception, just this once."

"Ron!" Harry called out, "Forget the pineapple, you have to get this one!" Harry added as he showed Ron and Hermione the page with a shining king's crown.

"It just needs the words: 'Weasley is our King' and it's perfect," Hermione replied, sarcastically.

Ron grinned, "You're a genius, 'Mione!"

"I wasn't serious, _Ronald_ ," she huffed, "The last thing you need is _that_ as a permanent tattoo."

"Too bad, I'm doing it," Ron replied, as they headed back to Jade with their chosen tattoo designs.

A few hours later and a couple galleons poorer, the trio emerged from the parlor, another adventure added to their never-ending list.


	2. Another Day in Paradise

**a/n:**

So this author's note is gonna be a doozy, which will be explained by the first prompt I'm filling on this list. Enjoy!

 **1)** **The Most Horrible Competition Ever, Definitely Don't Submit Anything!** \- Melee Cave- Whack-a-Mole Game! (cram as many prompts from as many other challenges, competitions, and forums as you can into one fic.)

2) **Quotable Questions Challenge** \- #49- "What are men to rocks and mountains?" - Pride and Prejudice

3) **The Character Trope Challenge** \- THE BIBLIOMANIAC. book worm, someone with the desire to collect books.

4) **The 1000 Songs Challenge** \- "Another Day in Paradise" by Phil Collins- You are free to do whatever you want with the song: do a proper songfic, use it as inspiration, **use the title** , have your characters listen to it, whatever you want!

5) **The Game is On (Challenge)-** A Study in Scarlet: Write about a Gryffindor

6) **Tarrot Card Challenge** \- #9- is The Wheel of fortune primary: Changes for the better at the end of a cycle, good fortune and karmic change.

7) **Random Character Challenge** \- #9- Hermione Granger

8) **The Extreme Ultimate AU Battle** \- Bookstore/Bookshop AU

* * *

Hermione had been working at her local bookstore, _Hogwarts_ , since she was nineteen and a half. She didn't think much of it. It wasn't like it was the only bookstore around town and for the most part, she enjoyed the work. The pay was good, the customers were pleasant, and most importantly, she could spend her entire day surrounded by books full of adventure, knowledge, and of course, magic.

She had a variety of coworkers, all fascinating with unique backgrounds, but she particularly enjoyed her time working with Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. The young couple worked with her in the Gryffindor Quarter of the store and had become quite close over the years.

One of the perks the came with working with Ginny was that her mother, Molly, visited every Friday. The older woman always smelled like sunshine and cookies and really everything good in life all at once. In a strange way, she reminded Hermione of home.

Every now and then, her son Ron came with her, typically against his will. Hermione and Ron hadn't exactly "hit it off" the first time they had met, but despite their constant bickering and argumentative banter, Ron had been holding a torch for her.

For a while it was a struggle for him not to follow her around like a puppy whenever he visited her at work, but he knew Hermione was nothing less than a complete and utter professional, so he managed to resist her...mostly.

On the bright side, no one but Ginny seemed to notice. Ron was a little ashamed of himself, but despite the front he put up, he was just so incredibly impressed by everything Hermione did. When he finally asked her out to dinner, she was far less alarmed than he felt she probably should've been.

She simply looked at him and bit her lip nervously. Oddly, there was much surprise in her eyes before she slowly began backing away from him. Despite her wordless response, he took it as a "no".

It wasn't long before he returned to _Hogwarts_. Surprisingly, nobody had mentioned anything since he had asked her out, which given that he'd couldn't seem to go over twenty minutes without talking about her was really saying something. He had promised himself that he would do his best to avoid her since then, and done a fairly poor job of it.

Ginny had been suspiciously eyeing him for days.

Hermione finally talking to him, somehow, takes him by surprise. What doesn't take him by surprise is her willingness to spend an entire evening scolding him on his inability to navigate the large bookstore. Instead of being freaked out by their earlier conversation, she resorts to what they know best- petty quarreling about the smallest things.

"Well, what are men to rocks and mountains?" he argues, hoping she picks on his reference, knowing she's read the book no less than a million times.

"-Ronald," she cuts him off, "Quoting _Pride and Prejudice_ does not make your argument correct."

He smiles a toothy grin, ignoring her response completely, "I knew you would get it!"

She simply rolls her eyes before pausing, stopping in her tracks, "Wait a moment…when did you read _Pride and Prejudice_? It hardly seems like something _you_ would read."

The redhead shrugs, "You were raving about it the other day…thought I might give a quick skim."

"That's nice," she replies, rather curtly, as if she's taken aback by the revelation. She pauses again, taking a deep breath, "Listen Ron, can we talk about what happened the last time you came here?"

Ron shakes his head, "We don't have to…but we're good, I promise," he replies in a manner that is so sincere, it's impossible to not hang on each word.

She smiles gratefully, before taking a step towards him, "Nonetheless, you deserve an explanation…you see, you just caught me off guard…I just did not know how to respond in that moment."

"And you do now?"

"Quite frankly, I don't think I'll ever be able to explain how I can completely loathe you and enjoy your company at the same time, however, if your offer is still on the table, my answer is yes."

He breaks out into a bright smile, the kind that takes up his entire face, "You know, you remind me of Elizabeth Bennet…"

She looks down, rolling her eyes, "I still cannot believe you read _Pride and Prejudice_. _"_

"Well, if Mr. Darcy can get a happy ending, than so can I," he responds, not a beat too soon.

"You are far too proud about reading that book."

"It's a classic," he counters, with a wink as they begin walking again, "I totally deserve to proud."

She hits him with a book.

Ron laughs, "Ah, another day in paradise with you Miss Granger."

"Keep talking and I'll retract my agreement to dinner."

"Yes, ma'am."


	3. Spiders

They were crammed in a closet.

Trapped with a spider.

"Are you sure that…" Parvati managed out.

Lavender put her hand over her mouth, "Don't speak. It senses fear."

She looked at her, as if to say, _"We're bloody Gryffindors and we can't handle a measly spider?"_

Lavender seemed to understand the silent question, because she pursed her lips, "Fine. Just kill it."

Unfortunately, the closet was very small and moving without hitting or kicking each other turned out to be difficult.

"Stop moving!"

"You told me to kill it."

" _Parvati_!"

"What, _Lavender_?"

Lavender's voice was merely a shaky breath as she pointed at the brunette's shoulder, seemingly forgetting how to breathe.

The pair stilled, suddenly, hearing a set of footsteps approaching the closet.

A blinding light entered the closet and the girls unsuccessfully attempted to blink away the sudden light.

"Miss Brown, Miss Patil, _what_ are you two doing in the broom closet?"

"Sp-sp-spider..." the blonde stuttered, pointing at the creature on Parvati's shoulder.

"My goodness!" Professor McGonagall frowned, stepping towards the girl, flicking the spider away, "Get back to class."

Needless to say, the girls scurried away like spiders quite quickly...

* * *

 **Word Count: 200 Words on the nose ;)**

 **Prompt: [Old Woman Who Might Be A Witch] is offering a {mysterious prize} to anyone who brings back a [Jar of Spiders]. "About 200 spiders should do it. And make sure none of them are red!" (200 words about spiders, no Weasleys)**


	4. Conversation with a Snake

**Conversations with a Snake**

 **Prompt: [Old Woman Who Might Be A Witch] is offering a {mysterious prize} to anyone who brings back a [Huge Snakeskin]. "A huge one! From a Basilisk or a Lamia!" (over 300 words about snakes or mythical snake creatures of some kind)**

 **Word count: 301**

* * *

The room was dark, save the few embers flickering in the hearth. His aunt's heavy, yet dustless drapes covered the windows, and the snores of the Dursleys filled the night. Harry sat still in the empty living room, watching the creature carefully. Unlike most children his age, he didn't seem to fear the creatures, but seemed to have some sort of connection with them.

He listened to the hiss, the sound filling the air. Slowly the boy stood up and walked towards the snake, noticing it's tongue flicker. The tongue brushed against it's fangs, darting back and forth as it's lips curved and pulled back, revealing a pair of pointed teeth.

"Can you understand me?" Harry asked cautiously, as his mind deciphered the snake's hissing.

The snake slithered up to him, wrapping itself around Harry's arms; the boy still unafraid, "Of coursssse I can."

"Do you have a name?" Harry wondered aloud.

"My name issss Sssssaphra, now be sssssweet and take me back outsssside."

He carried his serpent-laden arms to the door, while the snake continued to coil and twist up his body, the rustle of her scales a muted counterpoint to his voice. Saphra's tongue began to flicker again, almost impatiently, brushing against Harry's skin.

"Hurrrry up," she hissed.

The green-eyed boy frowned, "Do you have some place to be? I can't imagine a snake having much to do."

"It isssss none of your bussssinesssss."

"Alright then," Harry replied, as he bent down so the snake could slither away in the dark, "But before you go, can I ask you a question?"

"What issss it?"

"How did you get inside?"

She snake's face warped into some sort of a sick smile, "Magic is among ussssss, Harrrrry Potter..."


End file.
